Episode 2: Big Boys Cry

Sophie  0:01  
Hi, welcome to 100% unfiltered season four, my name is Sophie, the lead host. And this is a podcast about feminism and equality. This is Episode Two of season four. And we're going to be talking about toxic masculinity with Christian over zoom. Sophie because we're going to be talking over zoom with Christian prepare for the audio to be kind of wacky. I really don't know how to record on my computer yet. And that is something that I'm still learning how to do. I, I don't know if you can tell, but I bought a microphone. So this is the first episode that I'm using my microphones with. And it was so difficult. If somebody knows how to plug a microphone into a computer and record, let me know somehow let me know. So yeah, just a mini disclaimer prepare for that audio to be a little wacky on zoom. I'm pretty sure we all know how dysfunctional zoom can be sometimes. So yeah, just a little mini disclaimer.

toxic masculinity is the suppression of feeling among men. Our society tells boys to man up and that it's not okay to cry. It is not manly to express any kind of emotions because it's a sign of weakness. Men need to assert their dominance in a relationship in order to have power and control. Sex, violence, power, and control is what makes a man strong. I don't know if it's just where I grew up in. But it's pretty common to see something like this in my high school. I'm gonna talk about my own experience with toxic masculinity. So yeah, I had one friend. And he's gonna remain nameless. Well, actually, for the purpose of this podcast, let's just call this friend Bobby. So I had a friend named Bobby. And we were close in middle school, we were friends. He told me a lot of stuff. And I didn't tell him a lot of stuff about myself--But anyway, that's not the point. Okay. The point is that we were friends in middle school. And once we went into high school, he started going through difficult emotions. I know when you start to grow up, you start to experience new types of emotions like anger, especially for boys growing up, because whenever we start to experience a new type of anger, frustration, we tend to not know how to handle those intense emotions, especially for guys. Because whenever a guy's feeling really, really sad, he wants to cry. They tend to hold it in more because it's not manly enough to cry. It's not manly enough to express those feelings, like women. Once we went into high school, I could always tell that he was angry about something, he would get into a lot of arguments with me in high school, and we just ended up drifting apart. His friends, he had a big group of friends. And keep in mind that I'm five feet, this man and his friends were six feet tall. They were really buff athletes. And we were in a lot of this in classes together. And since we weren't friends, his friends didn't like me either. So they would always talk bad about me, they would always just purposely make me feel bad, because I wasn't friends with Bobby anymore. And so to get this back into toxic-- to get this to relate to toxic masculinity, I guess just because we weren't friends anymore. And he just kind of threw all of that anger at me instead of talking to me like a man and expressing how he really felt about our friendship. So that's just kind of what I went through. Obviously, there's more intense versions that people have experienced about this, but that was just my experience. And guys at my school, who just who just have so much expressed their anger with violence scare me .This is why I am afraid of men. Toxic masculinity, is the reason why I'm afraid of men and why I stay single. Because especially for somebody like Bobby, he's a really big guy. And I'm scared of what he's capable of. I'm scared to say, I'm scared that if I say no to Bobby, then his friends would trip me in the hallways or crowd my locker at school. Men who just don't know how to let go and suppress the emotion, turn into angry people just like Bobby. But today, we're gonna stop that fear with kindness and talk about healthy ways to let go of that anger, or that sadness. Just because that, just because I didn't want to be in a relationship with Bobby, all of his friends would just throw all of this violence against me all this negativity, instead of talking to me, like a normal person, we could have sat down and be like, Okay, I have these feelings for you. Like, you know, just express normal feelings to me like Oh, man, but instead of doing that, it was just a whole bunch of negativity. And I dealt with for about two years, but you know, thanks to Coronavirus Ha! . I don't get to see them no more. But yeah, it was pretty tough. But like, you know me, I'm unbothered by a lot of things. So, in all the negativity that I experienced from these group of guys, it never really bothered me, because I had other things to worry about. Like I've said, I think I said it in the first episode of season one, your problems are as big as you make them seem. So I just kind of took it as they're jealous. And they wish they were with me, but No, they're not. So. Yeah. I hope that made sense. So the reason why I'm scared of people like Bobby-- my biggest fear is men who can't control their anger, because I'm just a little girl, you know, I don't work out. I mean, I do work out, but I just work out my legs. I don't work out intensely, like Bobby does, I'm not in any intense sports, you know, I can't really defend myself against somebody big like him. And my biggest fear is that I'm gonna make a guy super angry, and he's gonna punch me in the face. And I'm gonna need to go to the hospital. That's kind of my biggest fear. So in school, I always avoid his friends, I always avoid him. And I avoid getting into arguments with people who are really angry and really powerful. But we should really encourage empathy among guys, because they really need it. I know that it's can really damage your mental health and your physical health, if you don't have good mental health, if you're not happy, if you don't know how to express your sadness, it can affect you physically. And toxic masculinity is the big reason why women live longer than men, because women are labeled as emotional. You know, it's so easy for us to cry. And that's actually a good thing. It's a good thing to cry. And it's a good thing to express that stuff that you have inside of you, because it can just eat you inside out.

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Christiano Martino  8:35  
Hello, I'm Christiano. And I love Jesus Christ, and I want to spread love and happiness to the people around me. So today, I got asked how I feel about toxic masculinity. And to be honest, I never even realized it was that much of a problem. And from what I've heard, you know, that I guess people are actually affected by it and me living as a male. I have been told to suppress my feelings, and stuff like that. And that's just how you kind of grew up as a guy. And to me and my male friends around me. I don't really see how it affects much people. But I guess there are some people that are affected by it ...Yeah (Laughs).

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Sophie  9:38  
Okay, so you can start by telling me, Do you think a woman defines a relationship? So think of it as if you're in a relationship, if you have a girlfriend, but you're not sure if you guys are together, Is the woman, the one that calls the relationship? Like, is the woman, the one that controls the status of the relationship? Basically, the one who calls the shots? That's what I was trying to say.

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Christiano Martino  10:39  
It depends on the guy to be honest. Cuz well, mostly I say, it depends on the guy. Like, I mean, not the type of guy you're dating, but I think mostly the relationship that defines on a guy, but also there, it depends on who the "finds on". Because everyone is different, you know?

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Sophie  11:07  
All right. The next question is, is it a man's job to be stronger for others?

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Christiano Martino 11:22  
I, I guess you could say it's a man-- it should-- is a man's job in a family, to lead and to protect. And I guess to be like, the backbone, or I guess the strength of the family. Nothing, that woman can do the same, because there's a lot of woman that can But I feel like, like the base of a man should be in a relationship is the strength. 

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Sophie  11:52  
Is it okay to get emotional with a woman? Or are you supposed to hold it in around other women?

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Christiano Martino  12:01  
Or at least for me, I'm not I'm not really scared about getting emotional or anything. But I- it shows, and you can see that a lot of a lot of guys. And most people in general, I guess, suppress their feelings, when they're, you know, when they're way in front of other people, and stuff like that. So you have to do it to a certain extent, but suppressing them all the time.  (Juan singing in the background). 

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Sophie  12:44  
(Laughs) I like that song! Anyways, can a man be open with a woman without having a romantic relationship?

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Christiano Martino  12:57  
No, I don't think that's right. I mean, that's right. Because what do you mean by open?

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Sophie  13:06  
I mean, like, you know, when you're in a relationship, a guy like tells a girl all his secrets, all of- everything about him. Like, if we're talking about like, a marriage, you know, when somebody's married to somebody pretty much tell them everything. And you guys are really close. So do you think that's okay? If a man does that when he's not in a relationship with a woman? Like, do you think a man can be as close to a friend that's a woman, like the same way a man is going to be close to in, in a marriage?

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Christiano Martino  13:49  
Emotionally? Yes. But not physically, being physically open to someone, like if you're not in a relationship is, is problematic, but emotionally? Yeah, I guess you could be, you could be open to people like that inside of Marriage. And if you're not in marriage

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Sophie  14:16  
all right. If a man is not being forward enough, or shy or as emotional as he needs to be, is that a sign of weakness?

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Christaino Martino 14:30  
And is it a sign of a weak- weakness amongst men or amongst like, people?

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Sophie  14:37  
Is it a sign of weakness for a man if he's not forward enough? Like instead of being direct, like he's being shy, is that weakness? a sign of weakness?

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Christiano Martino 14:54  
No, is not because the matter of fact there is many many, many shy people, I guess a sign of weakness is, is if you're shy because you don't have self confidence. I guess that's why most people are shy. But yeah, I guess in that sense he is.

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Sophie  15:15  
Alright. So the last question is, what can guys do safely to express their anger or let go of repressed sadness?

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Christiano Martino  15:28  
Well, first of all, they can pray. Or they can listen. They have most of that most people have their parents to go to. But since a lot of-- a lot of people are not as close to their parents as they should be, I guess. There's always an option in like a punching bag that works for most people (Laughs). But praying, I feel like is the most helpful way because you're, you're not holding the burden yourself. You're placing the burden on God. So we can hold it for you and help you with it.

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Sophie  16:18  
Okay, well, that was it. You answered all the questions. And you gave everybody your thoughts. So is there anything else you want to say?

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Christaino Martino  16:30  
No. God bless you guys. I hope you enjoy the podcast.

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Sophie  16:37  
Thanks!

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AD  16:39  
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Sophie  16:51  
Thank you for listening to 100%. unfiltered, you can always add on to what we have to say by sending us a voice message. If you disagree or wants to share your opinion, you're welcome to do that in the episode bio. You can also check out Christian's merch in the episode bio. Once I linked that on there, too. He shirts kind of fire I checked out the website. And I thought it was a joke or something. But it's like legit, like, (Laughs) you can actually buy his stuff. So I kind of like some of the T shirts on there. So to wrap up this episode, here's what we think about toxic masculinity. toxic masculinity affects a man's mental health because it causes men not to be able to express their feelings in a healthy way. So we need to learn how to let go of fear and being judged by society. So some of the things that Christian says that would be a good idea is if you have support from an adult, like a parent, a teacher, a counselor, you should always go to somebody for somebody who can help you. Obviously, not everybody has support from family, or have access to talking to a counselor and things like that. So you always have the option of a punching bag, instead of punching a woman! You know, we want to, we want to stop domestic violence, just stop violence in general. So I would highly suggest saving your money and getting that punching bag, or a pillow. Or I don't know about punching a wall. Just make sure you punch something that is safe. I mean, instead of physically punching something, I think you can also work out, you know, you can stay in shape. If you're really mad, just quickly do 50 push ups, you know, you have to let that anger out in a healthy manner. Anyways, so the transcriptions of this episode will be posted soon on the website. Whenever those are released. I'm gonna link the transcription in the episode bio. Welp that's pretty much the whole episode. So I'll see y'all-- I won't see you. You'll hear me next time--[unintentional pun]  I'm so bad at endings. Byeee! :) When I was interviewing Christian over zoom, there was a part of the interview that got interrupted because his brother was saying super loud in the background, so I really don't know if I should leave that in cuz it was so funny.(Laughs) Um, well, I guess... I guess now that you're listening, I guess you're the ones who's gonna know if I left it in or not. If I did, you're welcome. If I didn't leave it in. Well, I guess you have no idea what I'm talking about. But it is what it is.